Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
