Joe is yelling at the trees again.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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