finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
