exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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