either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
My life is pants optional.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
