This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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