I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
and you fell through a lawn chair
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