i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize