piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
