we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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