I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
