I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
