I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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