You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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