pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Randomize
