god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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