I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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