I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
