He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
My vagina is officially offended.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
