i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
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