I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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