Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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