I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
