Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize