remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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