i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
