His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize