I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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