Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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