if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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