I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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