i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
