Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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