So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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