Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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