he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
