i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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