That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
