I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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