This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
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