You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
