I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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