why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
