so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
