after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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