is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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