come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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