Someone shit on the floor
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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