that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
