Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
