what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
