I smell stomach acid.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
