did you get engaged???
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
