benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
