I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
wow bdsm is so cute
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize