epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
