he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I wish i was in the wii world.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
