At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
