love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
