Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
PANTIES FOUND
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