And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
