How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
she looked like the before picture.
only you would photoshop your dick
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
