this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
