just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
