My room smells like vodka and shame
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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