I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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