the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
