Yo dont text me then not text me
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize