Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
