Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize