i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
