How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
