Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
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