We named our party play list daddy issues
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
