Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Barsexuality is the new black.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
