We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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