No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
