i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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