Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
