is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
