can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
