it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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