Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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