How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
