Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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