I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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