all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
