tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
