I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
