maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
