I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
