you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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