Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
