I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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