how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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