I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just threw up on my dentist
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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