dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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