i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
