there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
