There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
