you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
