did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
fuck your aforementioned shoe
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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