PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
