You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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