my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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