planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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