He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize