So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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